no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
