I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
