We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
