i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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