he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
