I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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