things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
