There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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