I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
