"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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