i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
