Ambien. No doubt about it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
