I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bring money and cleavage
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
