It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
