Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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