i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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