WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
