dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
