HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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