in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
