it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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