i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sex in a hospital.. check
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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