they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
