we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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