She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
