Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
