erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
