after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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