you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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