Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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