I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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