At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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