the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
