I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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