Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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