I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
