Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
