On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize