Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't watch enough power rangers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my liver is dry heaving
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
