Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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