You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
