that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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