john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
