i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
