I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize