my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize