Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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