I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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