she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
