they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
