you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize