Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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