the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
