help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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