I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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