I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
