if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
