someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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