I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
