1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
