i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
