I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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