I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
