Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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