Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
