There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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