I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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