four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
