Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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