I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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